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| Time: | 5:29 am. |
| Mood: |  okay. | | Music: | Fugazi- 13 songs. |
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I spent all day today at the apartment. It was the first time I had been there in a while, and the first minute spent in there reminded me why I left. I talked to the manager yesterday, and he said that he wanted me to go get all of my stuff out even though I wasn't supposed to be there.
I can't even explain how bad it was. There are holes in the walls, the carpet went from beige to BLACK, doors were taken off, there was rotten food everywhere, puke in the bathroom sink, condom wrappers everywhere I turned, tons of beer bottles...it looked like something that would be on tv. The fact that I had to be the one to clean all this made me sick, but I have no choice really. All of Craig's stuff was still in his room, and the last thing I wanted to do was touch anything that had to do with him.
....But I can't get around it. It killed me. Everything I came across was a kick in the face, because I hate the way that I CAN'T hate him. He is the perfect example of the way that hate and love are one in the same, when it comes down to it. Fuck extremes.
He is so upset about me moving, and I wouldn't be surprised if this is all an attempt to keep me here. His loss, not mine.
The manager said that he wasn't going to put this on my credit, or hold me accountable for anything that I would be at fault for 'by law' because he knows the truth.
And it's not right.
I have been so lonely lately, I don't really know what to do with myself. And the fact that I haven't been able to sleep doesn't exactly help with anything.
Come on, stability.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, May 12th, 2004
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| Time: | 2:59 am. |
| Mood: |  lonely. | | Music: | Saetia. |
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There are many people who feel the unhappiness of a homesick soul and yet do not know its cause. They do not realize the wonder of their pain, that it is their heart's longing that will take them HOME.
...But goddamnit, it hurts.
I want him to be unconditionally happy, and I can't help but curse anyone and anything that upsets him.
I miss being able to fall asleep, and I miss actually wanting to wake up.
I can't wait until June. We've all earned it.<3
Thank you, Final Fantasy, for turning hours into seconds. Suckers.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, March 25th, 2004
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I finally got fired!!
(But this also means no insurance, which means no cancer being removed...yet.)
I might miss this job a tad bit; I had so much fun picking on everyone. The people here are so arrogant.
It'll be so much easier to get to where I belong, now.
Keith, I need to talk to youuuuu. Dyingdyinggggg DDYYIINNGGG.
I've been making myself sick with thoughts, and I know that I won't be able to tolerate many more nights here. I'm a fool; it's been long enough.
I hate not having any privacy. I mean, I hardly have anywhere to live...of course I can't expect privacy. I don't have anyfuckingthing to my name, so it's not like I need a room or anything..it's just a horrible feeling to want to curl up in the dark, alone..when you have nowhere to do that. I know that I am not wanted at my parent's house, and there is 0 respect there.
But I'm going to do whatever the hell it takes to get out of here as soon as I can.
There are some serious drama kings around here...honestly, it needs to stop. I HATE the idea of losing friends over some trivial bullshit. Example: J.R.
Thank you April for making me piss my pants lastnight, literally.
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, March 20th, 2004
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"U seriously hav wurst fashin cents... why r u all like with the green hat with red hat-sleeve you have no real burgundy sleeve 4 ur hat? u seriusly have wurst fashin cents. guy. u no what??? u no what asshat? I'm listening to my extremely hevy muzik, and it's getting me all fuk'n pumped up to the maximum level... then i kick your ass off to the new fashion store where fashion brings itself and you are fashion queen. (or king lolz/king lol) man u r the fuck assneck, why r u wearing the cheese scarf, with your tomatoe glasses... fuk'n cheez skarf assneck"
...What the hell, hahaha.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
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Thursday, March 11th, 2004
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( Convo between Drew and I. )
I'm more than likely moving out sometime soon. I'm tired of fighting with Craig. I'm tired of everyone that walks in that door. I don't know how easy it will be now, because I have April and Richard living with me. dfkodfpasdfkdmasldc I don't know.
East coast, after summer.
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Comments: Read 15 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
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| Time: | 12:59 pm. |
| Mood: | numb. | | Music: | Daughters. |
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I stayed home yesterday vomiting nonstop.
It was pretty awesome, but it got painful.
It got to the point that Richard was afraid I was going to hurl my stomach out.
I also have NASTY black bruises all over me, and I have no idea where they came from.
Old man Bill died this morning. I remember him trying to kill himself 10 years ago; lit himself on fire! Good job, Bill. You are free now.
I'm spending no less than five days with you.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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I hardly ever update anymore. Well, not at all, really.
I have been doing good, though...
I finally went back to my apartment. I didn't go home for more than a month, because I really could not stand to be there. (Oh, the joy of hate to love friendships)
Richard and April are living with me now. Well, April always has. But now Richard, too. The two of them tried to pull a real fun stunt on me a few weeks ago... Richard was trying to convince his best friend J.R. that I liked him, when I kept telling the 3 of them that I COULDN'T and I WOULDN'T do it. Not now. Then we went to our hill, and they left me with him. He was also trying to convince me that I had feelings for him that I was trying to hide, which was odd, but again I told him NOOOO. GET THE CHEESE AWAY.
I don't know, enough about that. I hate how I am mean to boys, and they really do end up taking it as flirting.
Push a boy off a halfpipe because he's in your way. He will instantly fall in love with you.
Everyone have a good weekend.
THREE Lachance shows this weekend.
And Charlie, if you read this, I found you an Occams Razor cd.
( Taken from my bitch. )
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Comments: Read 13 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, February 13th, 2004
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| Time: | 4:48 pm. |
| Mood: |  cold. | | Music: | The Pine. |
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Matty lied, 368-FUNY does not work
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
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.....Let's see if I actually fall through with updating this thing. I try to everyday, and I end up closing it.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 15th, 2004
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leftyourmark's journal
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